Real Life, Food and Health

Are You Wasting Energy Trying To Be Liked?

Deep down I believe  most of us want to be popular.   In with the  crowd.  Part of the gang.

It must attract a few of us or there wouldn’t be the market for those clubs and groups which create an aire of exclusivity, until you’re practically panting to belong.   So why does it matter?

Have you ever heard someone say “I don’t care what people think about me?”

As an NLP practioner, whenever I hear someone making this bold statement then straight off I wonder if really they are desparately concerned about what people think about them.  Now before you accuse me of being colossaly arrogant, I feel qualified to come right out and suggest this because it was my mantra for 25 years.  I was well known for it.  My mates and work colleagues would speak fondly of my devil-may-care attitude.  What’s scary is how many years my brain managed to delude me into believing  I  didn’t give a toss. You wouldn’t have guessed mind you.  I’ve got more front than Blackpool – as long as I’m in my comfort zone.

And you can always be in your comfort zone when you only do what you’re good at, and only mix with people who like you.

I came accross the concept of 33% of people you meet just hating you when I was at an internet marketing seminar a couple of weeks ago.  It was being discussed in the context of how to manage your’ list’ (that’s your list of subscribers who sign up to get reports,  recommendations and products from you). What it means is that about a third of subscribers will hate what you write, do and sell. What’s more some of them will go out of their way to tell you the precise details of their disapproval and loathing. They can’t just unsubscribe and wander away unheard, no, you have to know what’s wrong with you and it’s their job to tell you!  Some of them may have joined up just so they could not like what you do.  They need whinge fodder and you send it directly to  their inbox.  What a service!

But why is it so important that we understand the concept of the 33%? It’s because you’ve not done anything wrong, they just don’t like you. Some of the great practitioners of our time believe that  when we meet someone who gets on our nerves, it’s because they’re exhibiting the very behaviour which we do ourselves – and don’t admire much.  In other words, they are seeing in us a truly grotty little bit of themselves.  And that’s rather annoying if you’re trying to hide your horrid bits from yourself.  But what can you do as the hatee?  Even if you manage to work out what their repugnant  little  nugget is, chances are they’re still going to hate you and unless you constantly shift  personality (and risk appearing untrue, two-faced and possibly rather disturbed) , then you are never going to be able to tweek everyones’ chummy button.

When you understand about the miffed third then  you can relax. You can get out there with your business, your life, your mates and be yourself.  Let it all hang out and dangle freely for all to see. Why worry about pleasing everyone you meet?  How do you react when you find out that someone doesn’t like you. Do you shrug it off, or spend time running through your mind what it could possibly be about you that’s turned them off. When was the last time you did a similar excercise but examining  why your mates or partner like and love you?

How much time do we spend fretting over someone’s dislike, or trying to please a disapproving colleague, compared to the time we spend nurturing the fantastic relationships we already have or will develop in the future.

If you run a business, do you spend a disproportionate amount of time trying to please the unpleasable customer. How good will you feel when you set them free and start dancing with the clients who just get you.  How many times do we hold back with really getting out there just because we are worried about what others will think?  Well now you don’t have too because you know what they’ll think.  33% of them will just hate you.  Fine.  Now you can get out there for the rest of them, those whose lives you are going to change.

What actually matters is that when they do find you, then some of them will just adhore you. Doesn’t that rock?

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