Being Happy After Breast Cancer?
I was at the Medway Hospital support group for women dealing with life after breast cancer when two similar incidences struck home.
In both cases, women were talking about their experiences when diagnosed with Breast Cancer, and despite this happening over 6 and 18 years ago respectively, both women immediately welled up with tears and emotion.
Neither were terminally ill and both looked fit and healthy, so why was all this emotion bubbling so close to the surface after so many years?
And I can’t afford to be smug either – I certainly don’t start crying when I think about my diagnosis because I’ve got that one sorted by not thinking about it at all, and if asked, I do a very fine impression of Arnie in Terminator. A fine and healthy attitude!
Quite by coincidence there was a discussion that same evening about ‘Acceptance’, and it became clear there was a general reluctance amongst those present to accept their diagnosis, and this got me considering if the two were linked.
Let’s have a look at what happens if we don’t accept that something like being diagnosed with breast cancer has happened. Without acceptance we are fighting against it, bemoaning our bad luck, feeling cross, berating ourselves and others for what has happened. But it has happened, and without acceptance the fight will continue, but what is actually being achieved? Well nothing apart from possibly anger, sorrow, sadness and stress.
Acceptance is not about agreeing that it’s ok, that it’s a good thing (although many people say it has changed their life for the better) that you’re tickedy boo about the whole damn thing. It’s acknowledging the indisputable fact that it HAS happened.
With acceptance of a situation comes the possibility of improvement and a chance to build upon what has happened to create the best outcome. For many of us, this could even mean a better life after breast cancer than than the one we were living through before.
Have You Accepted Your Breast Cancer?
Well how do you really know? I mean if someone asks you about it then even if you decide to cover it up for some reason, you still know the truth. You have had breast cancer. In your head you know this is correct.
Lets contrast this with another fact you know to be correct, how about the sun rising every morning. Do you ever get cross or upset about the fact that the sun rises every morning? If you do I suggest you have far more issues than can be dealt with in this little blog post! Do you want to change the fact that the sun rises every morning?
No.
So perhaps a clue to your acceptance, or not, of a situation is the underlying emotion that accompanies your knowledge of that fact. If you’re feeling angry about what has happened to you then how about thinking through what has happened, reliving the experience of your diagnosis and then firmly nodding you head in agreement and saying ‘yes’ – out loud is even better.
Go back up to that last paragraph – are you talking about what has happened to you? Is the fact of the sun rising every day something that happens to YOU, or does it just happen? The sun rising isn’t personal.
Now grab a pen and paper and start recording what is better in your life since your diagnosis. Perhaps you have spent more time with the children or loved ones? Have you learned to appreciate nature? Do you spend more time doing things you enjoy like reading, walking or something arty?
If nothing is better (really?) then start thinking about and recording your intentions about how you will make your life better after breast cancer. Because this is your chance!
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